As girls we grow up dreaming of the man we’ll marry, the pretty details of the wedding day, & what our life together will be like. We think we’ll have romance all the time, the birds will be singing, we’ll always get along, things will remain kind of as they are & life will be grand. And then you promise forever to that special someone & somehow those fairy tale dreams seem to wash away when you have to talk money, child raising, work & life balance, personal time & together time. It is literally two lives becoming one & the older you are the harder it is because well, we’re used to doing things our way & marriage requires some change. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s still romance, & great love for sure but there’s other stuff we don’t really want to think of before the big day because “that stuff won’t happen to us”. Yeah, all that stuff has happened to us & I’m here to give you just a few tips & things I’ve learned over the past 22 months of marriage to help get you through the not so fun parts of being in union.
One: Choose that this person is the one you want to walk through the tough stuff with. That’s one thing I told Gabe from the beginning. We are two very different people & I knew that could cause some discomfort for us but he was the only one I could see by my side as we walked through the difficult times. That’s still true today! And when those tough times come, choose, do you here that CHOOSE to not walk away.
Two: Marry someone that makes you laugh your bootatay off! Gabe & I are such dorks. We say & do the silliest things & we love that about each other. We laugh just about on a daily basis (even during our wedding ceremony we cracked each other up!). Find someone who gets your humor & you get theirs. When I don’t totally get my favorite’s humor I just smile & laugh at what a crazy man I married. I love who is.
Three: There will be hard times for each of you so know that some days you’ll need to be strong & some days you’ll have to lay your pride aside & let them carry you. This is a hard one for me. I like to take care of things, to be everything, to have it all under control but there are times that I just lose it & can’t do it all. That’s when Gabe reminds me that I’m not alone anymore & I can lean on him for help. Sometimes you both might be weak but you realize that you’re a bit stronger than they are right then so you better buck up buddy. You’ll get through it . . . together!
Four: Marry someone who challenges you. Yeah, that’s a great one right? But seriously, none of us are perfect & we need someone who loves us in our imperfections but who pushes us to be a better version of ourselves. This can be difficult for both parties involved. Being totally honest here, I have to fight fear a lot – fear of the future, fear of failure, fear of man, fear of what may happen or not happen, fear of dreams unrealized, financial fear, health fears & it can drive Gabe crazy! BUT he sees the real me. He sees how strong I am & he pushes me to do the things I’m afraid of to beat that fear, trust God, & be who I was created to be. It’s super uncomfortable to change who you are but we change the not so great things in us to be better for them – to be better for ourselves. For instance, yesterday I shot my first movie. I was the on set still photographer & I almost didn’t want to take the job because I was afraid. Well, Gabe pushed me to do it & he “held my hand” most of the day but we did it together & I am stronger & better for it. I did it for me but I did it for us. Marry someone who challenges you but stands by your side as you push yourself to breakthrough.
Five: Marry someone who you feel safe with – physically & emotionally. I have never been one for confrontation & it’s still is not my favorite. I may drag my feet in talking about things that are uncomfortable to talk about but every time Gabe proves to me that he is a safe place to go to. It may take time to talk it through & will be uncomfortable but at the end of it all we fight for our marriage, for creating a safe place for each other to share our faults, failures, dreams, & wins. We choose each other & we choose our marriage. And bonus, we usually end up laughing at the end, Gabe says or does something silly, & we’re closer & stronger than we were before!
After 22 months of marriage I have learned that it is not easy but it is super special. I have this one human who chose me above all others (that was in our vows), who sees me – the good the bad and the ugly – and still chooses me. In the midst of the hard times I think of how much stronger we’ll be on the other side, when he’s my strength I have someone to melt into, when we laugh uncontrollably I’m beyond thankful God heard that prayer of mine. Anyway, I’m not sure why I felt moved to share these things today. I just believe that marriage is such a powerful thing & I hate to see people give up too soon or not really see the value in it. Yes, choose wisely when committing your life to one person but also choose to love them no matter what, in the good times & the bad times. Now, go hug your spouse or your soon to be spouse or say a prayer for that future mate of yours!
Our wedding pictures were taken by the fabulous w+e photographie.